he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize