Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
