First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
