He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
