put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
