I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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