She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
