I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
