I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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