I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
where are my eyebrows?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
