***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
