You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
