I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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