Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
