I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
