i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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