Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
