420 ftw
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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