roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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