hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize