Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
