Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
