normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
