I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize