if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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