wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
