Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
