coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
