remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
