he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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