remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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