During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
