Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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