After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
