she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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