So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
