my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just forgot I was standing up.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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