I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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