I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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