I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
