Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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