you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize