Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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