I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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