what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
