So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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