mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
