i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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