I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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