It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
