I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
