i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
