My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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