i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
