the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Randomize
