My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
