Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
