my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
