She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
