why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
