MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
