Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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