I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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