You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
