Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
