how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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