my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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