When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
