I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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