____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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