guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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