Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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