All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Randomize