he puts the penis in happiness.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
