i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
