But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize