In America we eat man semen.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
