Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
