His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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