I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Drake has all the answers
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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