she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
